Saturday, August 26, 2006
The System Is Down
The system is down, the system is down, the system is down.
Apparently instead of blogging I've taken to leaving copious comments on Amy's blog and arguing with morans on the message boards at fark.com. And if you know anything about fark (and I'm sorry if you do), you know that there is no typo in that last sentence.
I do have a few things to blog about: super Indian food in downtown Salem, my new undying love for Jordan's Furniture in Reading, the joy of a newly sided house, garden fresh cherry tomatoes, big, smelly, adorable neighbor dogs that howl at all hours of the day and night. But I'm going to skip all that for the moment to let you guys know that this morning I took the license test and passed.
Yes, dear friends, I have my license. Get off the road while it's still safe.
The test was ridiculously, almost criminally easy. This was it: pull away from curb, left turn, left turn, left turn, three point turn, pull over, back up fifty feet, right turn into driving school parking lot, pull into space. Are you fucking kidding me? Thank god Statey just wants to get paid. My foot was jittering across the gas pedal, even though I was the second to take the test and already saw how frickin' easy it was. Technically I still have to go down to the DMV and pay the fee to make it official, but dude, I'm licensed. No more worrying about carrying four kinds of picture ID so I can drink in public. And I can drive! Accordingly, I am also Tracy's bitch. Anywhere you wanna go, dear, I'm driving you. Except on the highway - I haven't actually done that yet. And it'll have to be in your car for a little while, too. But still, your bitch - I'm it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go scream like a teeny-bopper, do a little dance, and throw up.
Apparently instead of blogging I've taken to leaving copious comments on Amy's blog and arguing with morans on the message boards at fark.com. And if you know anything about fark (and I'm sorry if you do), you know that there is no typo in that last sentence.
I do have a few things to blog about: super Indian food in downtown Salem, my new undying love for Jordan's Furniture in Reading, the joy of a newly sided house, garden fresh cherry tomatoes, big, smelly, adorable neighbor dogs that howl at all hours of the day and night. But I'm going to skip all that for the moment to let you guys know that this morning I took the license test and passed.
Yes, dear friends, I have my license. Get off the road while it's still safe.
The test was ridiculously, almost criminally easy. This was it: pull away from curb, left turn, left turn, left turn, three point turn, pull over, back up fifty feet, right turn into driving school parking lot, pull into space. Are you fucking kidding me? Thank god Statey just wants to get paid. My foot was jittering across the gas pedal, even though I was the second to take the test and already saw how frickin' easy it was. Technically I still have to go down to the DMV and pay the fee to make it official, but dude, I'm licensed. No more worrying about carrying four kinds of picture ID so I can drink in public. And I can drive! Accordingly, I am also Tracy's bitch. Anywhere you wanna go, dear, I'm driving you. Except on the highway - I haven't actually done that yet. And it'll have to be in your car for a little while, too. But still, your bitch - I'm it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go scream like a teeny-bopper, do a little dance, and throw up.
Labels: Good News Everyone
Thursday, August 03, 2006
My poor dad. He can't catch a break in the summertime. Two years ago it was jaundice from bad shellfish. Last year it was the temporarily crippling infection in his back. This year it's kidney stones. The doctors gave him a couple days to take some medecine and hope it came out on its own (but he still had to keep it so the urologist gave him a tube shaped screen that was described as the Cadillac of umm . . . things that catch kidney stones. Six days later and no luck. So instead of cutting into his flesh as he hoped they'd do, they knocked him out and went upstream to get the damn thing out. There are still some post op things that have to be done and I wish he didn't tell me about them. Ouch. But he's okay now. The pain is gone - he just has to pee every fifteen minutes.
I just finished The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay and have moved on to Ann Patchett's The Magician's Assistant. Although I knew next to nothing about these books when I bought them, they both involve magicians, Jews, and straight women married to gay men. Oh, and they're both really good.
I had the woe so bad the other day. Intestinal woe if you must ask. No, nothing icky, just pain. Like, which side is my appendix on again? kind of pain. It reminded me of my woe just after my "Bad College Student" incident in Laura's room, when I had to crouch down and pretend to tie my shoelaces while I waited for the cramp to pass. Ah, memories. Anyway I was fine the next day. I think I ate too many baked goods over the weekend. I went on Bakery Search '06 with mom and Brian and ended up at D'Orsi's in Peabody, where we went a little overboard with the apple turnover and the cake and the cheese danish and the cheesecake and the two kinds of tarts. The display case went on for three miles and I wanted everything in it.
Is it hot like fire everywhere else in the U.S.? I went out for breakfast with Tracy yesterday and just walking across the parking lot made me want to lie down and say "That's it. I'm spent." Of course, I also had about a pound of French toast and homefries slowing me down. I'm so glad that Rockabilly Stoner Elvis came and "fixed" our central air on Tuesday. Seriously, I opened the door and this young guy with giant sideburns, droopy eyelids, and a pompador was standing there. I was confused for a split second because I knew I hadn't ordered an Elvis impersonator. Then I saw the coveralls and the van and it all made sense. I say "fixed" because the problem was that large amounts of water were dripping through Brian's ceiling vent every time the air came on, and while the air is working much better now, it's still dripping.
I just finished The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay and have moved on to Ann Patchett's The Magician's Assistant. Although I knew next to nothing about these books when I bought them, they both involve magicians, Jews, and straight women married to gay men. Oh, and they're both really good.
I had the woe so bad the other day. Intestinal woe if you must ask. No, nothing icky, just pain. Like, which side is my appendix on again? kind of pain. It reminded me of my woe just after my "Bad College Student" incident in Laura's room, when I had to crouch down and pretend to tie my shoelaces while I waited for the cramp to pass. Ah, memories. Anyway I was fine the next day. I think I ate too many baked goods over the weekend. I went on Bakery Search '06 with mom and Brian and ended up at D'Orsi's in Peabody, where we went a little overboard with the apple turnover and the cake and the cheese danish and the cheesecake and the two kinds of tarts. The display case went on for three miles and I wanted everything in it.
Is it hot like fire everywhere else in the U.S.? I went out for breakfast with Tracy yesterday and just walking across the parking lot made me want to lie down and say "That's it. I'm spent." Of course, I also had about a pound of French toast and homefries slowing me down. I'm so glad that Rockabilly Stoner Elvis came and "fixed" our central air on Tuesday. Seriously, I opened the door and this young guy with giant sideburns, droopy eyelids, and a pompador was standing there. I was confused for a split second because I knew I hadn't ordered an Elvis impersonator. Then I saw the coveralls and the van and it all made sense. I say "fixed" because the problem was that large amounts of water were dripping through Brian's ceiling vent every time the air came on, and while the air is working much better now, it's still dripping.
Labels: Complaints - Woe, My Dad
