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Monday, July 25, 2005

Fine ham abounds 

I never told you guys about the crackers. No, not small discs of crunchy bread (I like crackers because I like crackers, not because they're edible plates), I mean old white folks. Not that they did anything wrong--really, it was actually very sweet. But strange. I was walking home from the bus stop when an old couple in an SUV pulled up next to me just after I turned onto my road. They stopped to ask me if I wanted a ride home because they noticed a man walking rather closely behind me. I declined and said that my house was just up the road. The "man" was a young Hispanic guy that takes the same bus as me and lives in the same area as I do. As they drove away I just chuckled and said, "Crazy old crackers."

My mom sent me a package the other day with a couple bills, a photo from graduation, some Sunday Blend tea, and, I found as I dug through the styrofoam peanuts, gibralters! I couldn't believe it. I hadn't had a gibralter since middle school when I used to get them at The Stoned Elephant at Pickering Wharf. Tracy, who was upstairs when I found them, thought something bad had happened, since I was yelling "Oh my god!" over and over again. The picture doesn't do it justice. The whole candy is actually about 3 inches across. It's basically a parallelogram of sugary goodness with a little flavoring.

I realize that most of my wardrobe is two colors--pink and blue. And sometimes, when I layer my tank tops, I wear both colors at the same time. I really need to diversify. The Gap is having a sale. Hmmm . . . .

Monday, July 18, 2005

It's Bloggin' Time! 

Hey, Amy, I finally got your card in the mail. Rather, I finally walked to the post office to get your card. Did you know that it's like five-hundred degrees out? With 340% humidity? Yeah. Those clothes are in the washing machine. Per your stated request for information, I will be in the great state of Taxachusetts from Friday, July 29th, to Monday, August 1st. The main purpose of this visit, other than to spend time with friends and family, is to undergo that Inquisition-like torture ritual known as "The Pelvic Exam of Dooooooom!" (cue lightning, thunder, and wolf howls).

Things I have seen either going to or coming from work this past week:

On the bus there were two Latin boys joking with each other (punching arms, slapping chests), rapping in Spanish, and generally having a good time. They were very cute.

Again, on the bus, there was a man with an incredibly scabby knee who had a tattoo of a naked angel on one forearm and a tattoo of a naked devil-woman on the other arm. I thought, now there's a man with a life-philosophy.

While walking around the outlet mall next to where I work, a small blond boy in a Superman costume ran around the corner in front of me, followed closely by his mom. The costume was like a leotard with the red underwear and the blue shirt all one piece and a cape flying from the shoulders. And no pants. There was a bus in the parking lot but I have no idea where it goes and why it would be carrying a small, semi-nude superhero.

While eating breakfast at the snack bar in King Kullen I saw a man wiping up some spilled coffee on a uneven table. He put his coffee down before the table stopped wobbling, turned to throw the napkin away, and looked down to see that his coffee had spilled again. This whole scenario happened at least three more times, with the wiping and the wobbling and the spilling. I though I'd been magically transported into a Marx Brothers movie.

On that same day there was a woman with a rather robust lower body walking around in very tiny green shorts that stopped just below her butt-cheeks. I'd say that they looked painted on, but paint can't cut into your thighs like that. The edges disappeared into her cellulite. I half expected them to split down the center of each cheek, like a shirt on Lou Ferrigno.

I'm counting down the days until I get to go home. I'm in desperate need of some deep-fried scallops and grease-soaked fries from Bob's Fried Clams.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Bloggy MacBloggerdoodle 

It's Mac, cause I'm Scottish.

This blogging thing is going to have to be a semi-weekly affair now since I really don't have the energy to do it after work. Speaking of work, last week sucked. Maybe it was the pms, but I kinda hated every minute of it even when people weren't calling to complain about their landscaping. Tuesday just started out rotten from the get-go and I don't think I ever recovered. Waiting for the bus for almost 90 minutes will do that to you.

I have a bus-buddy I guess you could say. There's an older gentleman named Mike who takes the afternoon bus and he's a rather chatty fellow, but in a nice way and not the "Hey, I'm a 53-year-old guy talking to a young woman and oh, aren't I just sooooooo charming," kind of way. He sort of reminds me of my dad, who also enjoys talking to people simply because he likes people.

Quick anecdote: At the end of June I called to cancel my dentist appointment back home since I'm living in another state and all. The funny thing is that not half an hour later my mother called to cancel it for me and was surprised to find that it had already been done. This was about four or five days before the appointment. Talk about being on the same page.

My fourth of July was spent watching television all morning and then running off to the beach at 4pm with George and Tracy. It was crowded when we got there, but after coming back from about a 45 minute walk, everyone had gone home for dinner. The waves were huge but not as punishing as the last time I went in. I didn't almost die at all. I did, however, get some totally rockin' chaffing on my thighs. I unveiled the new bathing suit in public, which consists of a halter top bikini and a pair of little board shorts. The shorts were not meant for walking, especially not when soaking wet with lots of sand stuck in them. Yikes, with the ouching and the stinging and the eventual scabbing. But the beach was like seven kinds of fun and my legs even got a tan. That never happens.

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