The New England Society for Tea Fetishism

From the "and so it begins..." department:
My electronic application to Brown is complete, the Visa card has been billed, the writing samples and the recommendation letters are in the mail. Holy fuck, I have done something constructive. I feel like part of my future has been decided, that something has been set in stone. I will be getting a letter from Brown in the spring. Wow. Really weird feelings.
As for Syracuse, I'm just about fed up with those wankers. They want a minute by minute account of how I'm going to pay for my education and a letter from a bank saying that I actually have the funds to do this. Right now I feel like giving them a great big raspberry and saying "Well I didn't want to go to your stupid school anyway!" Very second grade.
While I was doing my personal statement for Brown last night I blew a fuse and was left in total darkness for about a minute, waiting for the power to come back on because I didn't know it was a fuse at the time. All the lights on, the tv on, the computer on, and the space heater on high, and I didn't know it was a fuse. Anyway, it was 11:30, the house was silent, the darkness was palpable, and I had been reading Stephen King's IT all day. Sarah could not take the freakiness. So I panicked and then stayed up watching tv until 1:30 to calm down. Trainspotting. Mmmmmm, Ewan McGregor. I slept fine.

From the "Lewis Black from memory" department:
I went to Boston and experienced five seasons in four days. There was rain and snow with lightning behind it! This is the kind of weather you don't read about in the Bible, because after the prophets cleaned their pants they had to go lie down. And I knew what the next season was gonna be. Locusts.
It is snowy here and abroad. I called switchboard this morning and Josie said that they had 2 or 3 inches by ten. She also didn't seem to get that I wanted her to say Merry Christmas for me to whoever was on for security. She was either being bitchy or just old. The snow started here this evening. The precipitation was having an identity crisis and it couldn't decide if it wanted to hail, snow, or rain, so it did all three for a while. Now it is heavy, wet snow.
I really cleaned up today. My mom got me these very nice boots from Aldo with a reaonable heel and rubber soles and Brian got me a Magnadoodle. Guess what I need now? Ticky-Tack squares so I can put it on my door!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

From the "lock the door, Sarah" department:
Mom bought a new car!! And it's actually new--a pretty red Mazda Tribute, with a moon roof and power locks that work on all the doors. By the way, when did it become a moon roof?

From the "all I want to do is eat cheetos and procrastinate all day" department:
So you thought you had nothing else to do, huh? You thought that life would be all tea and hotcakes and trips to the bowling alley? Well, I've got news for you. Some of us still have grad school applications to work through, and because I a have a blackbelt in "asshole," I am blogging instead of working on either my writing sample or my personal statement.
--Dear Cornell, it has been my dream to matriculate at your fine institution my entire life (actually, since last July).
Do you think I would get extra points for using matriculate correctly in a sentence? Oh well. Life is good at home, if a bit boring, but boring is what I need after the crazies of this semester. Three days of relaxation has been enough, so tonight I am formally announcing my arrival to all three people who give a shit.
My mum said the cutest thing to me on the subway on the ride home. I was telling her about Amy and Annie and their craziness and deals at home and she looked at me with these puupy dog eyes and said "I'm glad you don't feel that way about me." And I said "Of course I don't, mom." And I really don't. I get tired of home and I miss all you guys, but I never feel like I have to get away from my mom.
Well, according to my phone I just spent one hour, three minutes and forty eight seconds on the phone with the illustrious Amy the T. who will hopefully come visit and take me bowling. Wow, my arm fell asleep holding up the phone. Onto the writing sample.

From the "geography shmeography" department:
And It Shall Be Called The Coffee Cow , by Sarah Muise
There is nothing that New Englanders love more than a honkin' huge cup of coffee, a half-gallon of ice cream, and a nice pile of thinly sliced, rare roast beef on a toasted kaiser bun. So, to make my first million, I will open a shop called The Coffee Cow, so New Englanders can have a one-stop shopping trip for all three of their strange regional obsessions. Perhaps there will be cross-overs amongst the products, like coffee flavored beef, or beef flavored ice cream, or ice cream flavored coffee. People would come from far and wide to taste my products, made only from the freshest ingredients straight from my on-site dairy and slaughterhouse. Cows are nature's supermarkets: every part is so useful and tasty, it makes me wonder how anyone could be a vegetarian. But, of course, for all the vegetarians, we would also offer chicken fingers, because everyone knows that chickens aren't meat. The Coffee Cow would become the most popular place in New England and I would get many invitations to expand into a franchise, but I would say, "I am dedicated to the quality of my beefy goods, and would never split my attention between stores, thus potentially bringing down the tastiness quotient of my products. No, sir, I am a one-shop-woman." Vive le Cafe Vache!!!

From the "buns of steel, brains of mush" department:
If I write one more word about urban sprawl or the evils of nitrogen fertilizers, I think my eye balls are going to turn and face in. Once again, I am making this much harder than it has to be. On another note, why are there suddenly options like "Adult Links," "Sports," "Viagra," and "AdultSearch" on my task bar? This is definitely a thing for guys--sex and sports, all at the touch of a button. And when did the icon fo Adult Party show up on my desk top? I feel like I'm being sexually harassed by the internet. And who the hell came up with the name "Boobtropolis?" I think Lifetime should come up with internet for women, which would have no such nonsense, but then again might have way too many links to self-help websites.

From the "geeeeeyaaaaaaaahhhooooooh.......*ouch*" department:
Oh, the perils of womanhood. Of course, those perils wait for three days until I'm stuck at work. I don't know what it is that I did to my ovaries, but I would like to formally apoligize to them for any wrongs or injustices I may have caused them. Okay, now that we're friends, can you please stop making spastic pain radiate from my uterus into my back and down my legs?

From the "free webmail my ass" department:
Hotmail is officially on my shit list. What yesterday was a perfectly fine inbox is now "critically full" and though I have deleted all the junk mail and ten other items that have been there for months, I am still unable to send mail because my account is frozen, unless I want to buy more storage. Fucking msn. (insert ominous throat rumble here) Like Bill Gates needs any more money. Bill Gates can stick his thumb up his ass and spin. Is Bill Gates the one I should be insulting? I don't know, but he'll do. So you will all be receiving my new email address as soon as I can transfer everyone's addresses to my new account.

From the "perhaps it wasn't all for naught" department
The final art project, inspired by the butt clenching horror of midterms, was quite a success. Kittens always go over well. And now, onto wills!! It is 3:30 and I still have no info on Christine Ayuya. Oopsy. We the seniors will you.......a will. Dammit. I'll think of something.